Posts Tagged ‘trial’

To Life

2013年 1月 4日

Happy New Year! 2013 is the year of the snake, which is my year according to the Chinese zodiac.

I’m not much of one for resolutions; however, this year I have resolved “to live”. First, let me alleviate fear in any of my panic prone friends: I don’t have some kind of terminal illness. Simply I have been battling personal conflicts which have been horribly demoralizing. Over the past several years I have been struggling to rectify the situation; yet, some troubles are extremely persistent.

My hope is that my two largest struggles will be coming into check this year, but that was my hope last year and the year before. Even if things move on the path I hope, it will be six years before the main struggle is gone. Over the last year or two I have felt myself shrinking away from life and have come to the realization that even if the trials are festering I need to live and grow.

Some people viewing from the outside might look at all the things I have done and think that I have been rising above the troubles; however, it is easy for me to see the things I want to improve and change and realize how much time was lost in the last couple years doing nothing.

One clear sign is the number of posts on my blog. When I am feeling depressed or uninspired, I generally don’t post. Other creative outlets have also suffered in this time. Looking forward to my year!

Winds of Change

2010年 2月 18日

Recently an anonymous poster commented on my personal policies and while I could see their point, I had to disagree because I thought they were comparing apples and oranges; however, their follow-up comments revealed something interesting.

My reader said they had read many of my older posts and newer ones and felt there was a dramatic shift. Let’s just sum it up as ‘the older posts have more heart’. Reading that set me back a bit. Over the last year a lot of dramatic stuff has happened, both good and bad, and particularly things that were very emotionally taxing for me. There is no doubt in my mind that facets of this show through.

I am thinking about reading through my old posts to see if I notice any trends as well; however, there are over 12 hundred posts and I don’t know when I can find time to read through my own writing undisturbed. This is something I have been wanting to do anyhow, because I noticed errors in older posts. It is interesting to see how my opinion of things changes as I learn more language or culture.

Hearing my regular readers’ feelings about changes in content or tone would be interesting. Noticed anything?